Dear Mrs. Darren Wilson,
Congrats on your recent nuptials and the new baby you are expecting!
Before you get too comfortable though, I wanted to share some thoughts I’ve had about protecting your future. I realize things are great now: You have the glow of love and marriage, a baby on the way, money in the bank, and Darren at home full time. You’ve had the exhilarating experience of standing by your man, as you fight together against all that would come against him, and for now at least, you’ve won. However there is some truth to the old adage that is is wise to “prepare for war in times of peace.”
Babies are wonderful. I truly believe they are a blessing from God. You see your seed, and a fierce joy wells up in your heart, and you know there is nothing you would not do to protect them and make the world better for them. They demand your love, time, and focus, and you give it to them gladly. Now, while they can push back relationship and family problems for a while, they can’t make them totally go away, as I’m sure you already know. Eventually life comes back: Financial issues arise. Darren goes back to work with all it’s pressures and can’t help full time. You’re alone most of the day with the kids, while he gets to get out and live a little, or you’re struggling to balance your own career with home and family life. People will eventually forget about recent events enough to where you can live a semi-normal life, and instead of facing the world together, you’re back to facing each other. If what I’ve read is accurate, you were both a little sloppy in your former relationships (I’m not judging though, you’re both adults), and so there is another well known adage for you to consider as well: “If he will cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you.” Though I hate to say it, as a woman a little older than you, you aren’t a spring chicken anymore, and Darren is quite a few years younger than you. Divorce rates in general are high, and even if Darren doesn’t stray, recognizing this can eat away at you and cause you to be insecure anyway.
I’ve noticed that when things go sour in relationships, what you once loved, you come to hate. It’s the flip-side of the same coin. Protectiveness becomes smothering. Being carefree turns into being immature, unreliable. Cute snores becoming irritating. Being decisive and having structure comes being rigid and over-bearing. Giving guidance and advice comes across as being critical. Likewise, if he has not been truthful, Darren’s actions which now may be seen as clever, cunning, inventive, and victorious may strike you later as cowardly and lacking honor. You may not be able to look at and lay beside someone who you feel is less than a man.
I’d also caution you to look at George Zimmerman and learn from his example. I know that Darren said he had no remorse and would shoot Michael Brown again, but that could change in the future. He might one day look at his own child, realize what he caused the Brown family to lose, and actually grow a heart, so to speak. He (or you) could become terminally ill and want to die with a clean conscious, again assuming that it isn’t already. Zimmerman for all his bravado and tough talk, had some sort of decency, otherwise he wouldn’t be in the self destruct mode that he is now. He may have been acquitted by a jury, but he knows the truth about his actions and there is no way he can get away from self judgement. He wasn’t exactly stable before he killed Trayvon, but afterward the violence against his girlfriend, her and his wife’s subsequent turning on him, going through all the money he had received, trouble with the law – it’s all self sabotage. He may not be in jail, but he will never be free.
With all this in mind, I urge you to consider your future and prepare for yourself a little “insurance policy”, should your current bliss come to an end on less than conciliatory terms.
Now, let me preface this with the fact that all this may be unnecessary. Though I’m biased, Darren could have been upfront and honest with us all this time. If that is the case, you have nothing to worry about. Mostly nothing, anyway. However, if it’s not the case, get your ducks in row now, because it’s just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.
I assume you know him pretty well and that you trust each other as you are now married. I’m sure over the past few months he has been 100% truthful with you about his actions, the reason behind them, and any feelings he had on the matter. I’m not asking you to share them, and thankfully as his wife, even the courts cannot compel you to testify against him, but I want you to document it. All of it. Write it down. Take pictures. Record conversations. Do it now while events are fresh in your mind. Make copies for a couple of SD cards, hide them well, then go on to enjoy your life and forget about it. When Zimmerman’s wife and girlfriend finally wanted to speak up, it came across as being bitter and wanting revenge. Gathering all this now will allow you to keep your composure in the future, should you need to.
Next, get a financial planner. Put some money away for the kids in the future that you can’t touch, so that if needy relatives or self sabotage does kick in, you have something to fall back on.
Finally, keep a close eye on Darren. As I’ve said, I’m sure he’s been 100% open with you, but please consider the possibility that he may have told you one thing, and kept the truth to himself. If he starts drinking heavily, becoming violent, binge spending, acting reckless, he may be experiencing guilt, whether or not he is actually guilty. Tell a friend you can trust so that if something happens to you or the children, you have an advocate.
Now, should the relationship not last, whether it is fallout from recent events or just a natural progression in life, you have some leverage for the divorce, a little money to keep you going, and some peace of mind. Hopefully all this advice is just me wasting text, but I figure, better safe than sorry, and I like being potentially helpful. : )
Wishing you both all the best you deserve in love and life.